Well-Being Skills

Episode Transcript

SB S1 E20 – Tessy Antony

Kelly: [00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Welcome to Let’s Talk About Skills, Baby. I am your host Kelly Ryan Bailey. Each week, I chat with inspiring visionaries about the skills that make them successful, how did they develop those skills and their innovative approaches to improving skills-based hiring and learning around the world.

Come learn what skills help you live your best life. This week, I’m joined by Tessy Antony de Nassau. How are you? Hi.

Tessy: Hi Kelly. I’m well, how are you?

Kelly: I’m doing great. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Tessy: Thank you for having me. I’m really excited about our conversation.

Kelly: Oh, me too. So let me give a quick little background about Tessy everybody.

Tessy is a social entrepreneur business woman philanthropist, UN Aids Ambassador, public speaker, activist, medical doctorate, and PhD candidate, and a mother [00:01:00] of two boys. Of course. Tessy is the founder of the global consultancy Finding Butterflies Consultancy, which aims to be supporting governments, institutions, and business leaders in impact projects, educational campaigns, women inclusion, and conference attendance and organization.

Tessy is also an associate at LSD ideas at the London School of Acting. Her commitments to education can be seen in her charity Professors Without Borders, where she holds the title as President and Co-founder, they bring a top level educators and global experts to the doorsteps of students worldwide in order to develop talent.

You just have so many wonderful accomplishments here, Tessy. I know that you’re also an Ambassador for UN Aids Global Advocate for Young Women and Adolescent Girls, as a patron to the UNAUK. In the past, Tessy spent five years in the Luxembourg [00:02:00] military during which she was deployed in Kosovo as a peacekeeper, and only woman of her draft. Tessy is also currently working on her medical doctorate and PhD in integrative medicine.

I absolutely loved that. And I feel like that’s going to be part of our conversation Tessy, just on the side, when I was reading this through, I’m also going through my own sort of like health adjustment with a functional medical doctor right now. And I was like, wow, that’s something I’ve been reading, like textbook after textbook about this.

So anyway, we’ll get back to that. But Tessy is also the co-founder of the sustainable fashion brand called Human Highness. Last week, she had the debut at the Luxembourg fashion week. Is that right?

Tessy: That’s right.

Kelly: Gorgeous capes. And I just love what that stands for as well. Sort of this like cape for women to wear, to feel stronger is how I would describe it.

I know you’ll probably go into it in more detail, but they’re beautiful. And after an impeccable [00:03:00] educational journey, Tessy decided to put her theory into practice. So she actively promotes a number of issues as I have mentioned, which is including global health and women’s rights. She is passionate about pushing different agendas to benefit the Sustainable Development Goals, I love, and has committed her time and energy to furthering the work of organizations in which she believes in. Moreover, she is actively committed to strengthening basic human rights for all and empowering young women and adolescent girls around the world.

She got bestowed the Dame Grand Cross of Order of Aldolphy of Nassau from HRH Grand Duke Henry of Luxembourg. Moreover, she received the Woman of the Decade award from the Women Economic Forum in January 2017, the Humanities Medal for spreading humanistic ideas worldwide, and the Global Empowerment Award for her work in Africa.

She was also named leader of the year in 2019 by [00:04:00] the leadership academy in Luxembourg. Tessy received her honorary doctorate for her work in and around education globally by the Paris College of Arts in May, 2019. She’s also been awarded almost 10 other distinctions for her work and education and women empowerment globally.

I won’t name them all, but I do want to mention the distinctions for 2020, which are Professor Honorous Cause from the Institute of Brain Chemistry and Human Nutrition in London and Freedom of the City of London, which as she just told me is really quite amazing because you’re the first Luxembourg ish woman to receive that as well.

Amazing. Tessy holds an MSC in International Studies and Diplomacy. She has certificates in Sustainable Business from the Harvard Business School, and Pandemics and Epidemics from the University of California. She also holds a diploma and has actively worked for eight years as a trauma psychologist [00:05:00] in Luxembourg.

Currently, Tessy lives in London with her two sons, but travels pretty often for work projects, which I can completely appreciate.

Tessy: Well, now, if we can, right. Traveling is much less.

Kelly: But a lot different than it was for sure. So Tessy, one of the last things that I just read off was this certificate of pandemics and epidemics from the university of California, which just stopped me for a moment because of Corona.

Was this something that you went after through this COVID period or was that something you were interested in prior to COVID and coronavirus happening?

Tessy: No, I did that way prior. I did that because I was writing my thesis on biological terrorism and I was working in a P free lab at the Luxembourg Institute of Health and was studying pandemic and epidemics at University of California, Irvine.

Just as a side study, just to compliment my thesis. Because I’m very passionate [00:06:00] about the medical space, but also about the politics and the policy writing around it. And so I combined that with my thesis on biological terrorism. So it was just something to compliment my research at the time, but that was years ago, that’s like four years ago, but who would have thought it would have become so timely to have some that in your repertoire?

Kelly: I can imagine. Have there been a lot of requests coming to you just because of this background in this paper that you’d written, this extra research? Because I feel like now it would be easy to pull out some of the knowledge you received from that and use. And I feel like the news these days, they’re just looking for anyone who has any additional information or perspective on this epidemic.

Tessy: I did, I did get some requests, but then I rather forward them to my other colleagues who actually have their PhD specifically in epidemiology and pandemics, just because they are way more equipped than me just writing my [00:07:00] thesis on that. Because I think now specifically with Google and everything, everyone seems to be an expert on everything just because they have done one course in it.

And I surely do not want to be categorized like that. So I know what I know, and I know that I know some stuff about it, but I would never, ever put myself out there saying I know everything. So rather leave that to the experts who have a doctorate in that.

Kelly: I completely appreciate that. It’s so easy. So, let’s take this back a little bit.

I am so impressed. I mean, you are such an inspiration when it comes to all of the work that you’ve done throughout your life, but I’d like to maybe dig in a little bit deeper and learn a little bit about sort of what led you to where you are today?

Tessy: I think it was really a progression in life.

I think it should be like that for everyone. I didn’t plan to be where I am today. Asking my younger self of where I think I would be 10 years ago now? I would have never have dreamt that I would [00:08:00] say, oh, I have done all of these degrees. Even 20 years ago. I have all of these degrees. I have two children, I’m divorced with a new partner, living in Switzerland and London.

So it’s just, yeah, I think it’s just how I live my life and how I have gotten into the things I am right now, it’s just a progression of interests as they have been evolving, as I have been growing myself through always keeping informed. There’s one thing I really put always forward and I always raise my kids like that is, if you don’t know what you’re talking about, you don’t know what you don’t know. So either you study it yourself or you equip yourself with the right people around you, that can educate you on that.

So I think it’s just as we evolve with all of the new current issues, as well as we have with Corona, for example, I just kept adding to the things I’m doing and then also for podcasts, such as this one, wonderful people have gotten in touch with said, oh, I like what you’re doing, or I’m doing this. And partnerships have evolved over this. [00:09:00] So it’s really very organically that I got to where I am today. However one key tool I needed, one key skill is resilience and patience.

It’s really about nothing comes from nothing. So I did work hard for where I am today. It was not just given to me because I’m sure some people listening to this as well would be like, oh yeah, she was married into the world family. She must have been given this all by herself, because she was where she was, which is not true.

And I think it’s so important specifically as a woman, we still face that stigma. That whatever success we have to our name, it is being laminated and pushed down because something must have had kind of like pity on us to give it to us. So I think that’s hard work. So I work on weekends. I work on holidays.

I work, I work in the evenings. I work all day. I work a lot and I’m not complaining about it. I really love it because it’s important to [00:10:00] love what you’re doing or if not, then change it. Right. But yeah, it’s hard work to get where you are. And that was for me the same. So a lot of energy, a lot of work and yeah, that is why I am where I am right now.

Kelly: Yeah. And I really appreciate that because I know that there are plenty of people and it doesn’t matter really, honestly, what background you have, I’ve just found the same thing that a lot of people, especially towards women for whatever reason are sort of like, well, you must have something that’s created this luck for you. And I know it’s the same and I actually have this question back for you because I’m a mother as well, that period of time especially when the children are young, it’s really difficult. But I’m assuming, based on the fact that you just mentioned resilience and patience, that you just continue to push as hard as you could.

And that’s my question for back to you is, how was that time period for you? How maybe did you use that resilience to [00:11:00] help in those moments, when it tends to be a little bit harder because there’s so many others that need you?

Tessy: Yes. I think, life is not always the icing of the cupcake, isn’t it?

So I think it is really about yeah, be patient with oneself. That’s the most important part because only with your own patience and self-respect, can you also value resilience inside you. Because they go with each other, it’s like a triangle of change, right? You need to have all three balanced in order for it to work.

So the resilience part, I think is, I do have as well on my days where I’m just exhausted and I think, oh my God, I will not succeed. And people don’t like this and they don’t like me. I’m a bad mom, you know? And all of these doubts it’s absolutely natural for everyone. And if you would not have that, then something is wrong. Because if someone tells you they don’t have that, they’re lying. Because every human being has that.

[00:12:00] And yeah, it’s just, you grow the resilience and you feel what works for you because my resilience and how I build that skill for myself is completely different to you for example, Kelly. It’s like a fingerprint, it’s like your earlobe, it’s personalized to you. Mine came from the military.

I had a huge burnout after my divorce and all of these ups and downs, what life brings you, right? Just as a human being, which, everyone has their own cross to carry. So I would never judge a book by its cover, just because it looks easy on someone doesn’t mean he or she hasn’t worked really hard on that.

And it’s just to learn how to use resilience, but also to learn, to start with what is my resilience? How do I identify resilience for me? And then start strengthening that skill, because you need to see it first in order to grow it. So, [00:13:00] for me, I just have grown it over the last years and and try this off for my children, that they understand resilience comes from heartache.

Resilience comes from turbulence, resilience come from chaos. It’s kind of like, you cannot grow a flower in a ground which has not been fertilized. And the resilience is almost like a burning Bush after wildfire. The ground is the most fertile ever. And that is kind of what it is right after turbulence, after when the sky is grey, after each grey sky is always a blue sky.

There’s always a sun somewhere, or after the rain will always be sun. You need all of these components. So you do need also the bad moments in life in order to create resilience and appreciate the good moments you have. So that is how I have been working on it. And that’s how I have been giving that experience to my children, for them to learn [00:14:00] about their own resilience.

Kelly: And I’m so glad you mentioned that because a lot of times, I mean, especially now. I know I was looking up a Harvard course the other day that was focused on resilience. And it’s great to be able to have resilience described to you and maybe some probing questions for you to understand how that resilience is showing up in yourself.

But like you said, at the end of the day, it’s only something that is very personal to you. It’s only something that you can build on yourself and although. I would say, from what I’m hearing from you, it sounds like you very much appreciate formal education, which leads to a wonderful foundation, but you still have to do the work to find that in yourself.

Especially that you mentioned having those days, when you just have a bad day, right. Everything sort of comes at once. I know I had one of those on Saturday and myself, I just sat around, read a great book, tried to relax and just get back together [00:15:00] and kind of came at it strong on Sunday after I just had that moment of feeling a little sorry.

And then you keep going. But we’re all human and that’s just the way that it is. And there can’t be the up if there’s no down.

Tessy: Yes, exactly.

And I think that as well that creates authenticity for others to believe also your path that you’re walking. It would be odd if I would say, oh, everything is great and there’s no problems and I don’t have anxiety. Like all of these lies that we’re trying to tell other people, because we don’t want to be seen as vulnerable, weak, unsuccessful. We just don’t want people to judge us in any way. And I think it’s just a balance you need to find for yourself. What makes you feel good and how much of everything do you need in order to create that balance for yourself?

Kelly: Yes. And it’s that prescription that’s like [00:16:00] ultimately ends up being your own because yours won’t work for me. Mine won’t work for you, et cetera, et cetera. What I find really interesting about this is just that I feel like prior to COVID, maybe there was a turn happening in what I would say, like mental health awareness.

I mean, it was of course, world mental health awareness day on Saturday, which is why I timely, had my breakdown and relaxed and celebrated. But what I’m thinking is there was this sort of feeling in our world where it was more acceptable to just be our natural selves and failure.

As I know you talk a lot about innovation as well, and failure is just part of the process. And I think we were trying to hide all these things and then it’s like, COVID hit. And I feel like everyone sort of had this moment in time, collectively and globally, but for the first time to they had to live out loud.

[00:17:00] And I’m curious your thoughts about this. If you have felt this as well, where it’s more acceptable to show yourself as your true colors?

Tessy: I think what I have seen with COVID, is that we just need more communication with one another and there’s all of these channels of communication.

That’s why I launched my Zoom o’clock on YouTube as well, because I just felt that people needed to feel connected to one another in a world where we were for the first time in our living history for sure, our generation, you and mine, forced to stay at home. We have never had that before. And I think we needed to feel that belonging, that connection to the outside world.

So we had a really great opportunity there to connect, but also to connect communities on topics such as pain and fear and the economy, but how it affects the people [00:18:00] and not just the governments, which their biggest interest is not always the interests of the people.

As you can see in many, many different countries around the world. It’s really about bringing back the power to the people. And I think we have seen that revolution of online communication and exchange, which has been really beautiful and very fertile for a lot of different projects and issues.

But at the same time, as you mentioned, I have seen as well that people more openly talked about the vulnerabilities because I think that is what the world needed. People needed to feel connected and see there’s also other people who struggle, but other people who are maybe not that approachable, normally. Celebrities and Royals and government leaders that you would not really seeing exposed like that.

And I think we needed that. I certainly felt inspired by some of the leaders like Michelle Obama and others who [00:19:00] really talk to openly about vulnerability and mental health as well. And Michelle Obama said as well, talked about depression and other things. I think it’s just so powerful.

Yeah, COVID-19 has exposed a lot of these stigmas and has exposed a lot of these illnesses, these silent pandemics we’re going through now in our societies, which no one wanted to talk about, also domestic violence, right? All of these things have been laid bare a bit more, which I’m very grateful for that.

We finally talk about that more. But at the same time, it has also given the space sadly for online bullying and trolling to be much more active as well. And I think now more than ever is a time really for regulations where people are being trialed and are being sued really, or put back in that place for the words that they sent, because I think words matter.

It’s kind of [00:20:00] like that verbal diarrhea we see on Twitter and everything. It’s just like a throwing up of stuff. And then every two minutes they change their mind and there’s all of that confusion. And it’s just really about making people accountable for their words and make them understand that words are powerful.

They can make and break societies. And I think COVID-19 has also put that very clear that people don’t understand. You cannot just put something online under a pseudo name of X, Y 17 X, Y, or whatever, and not even put your real name there. I think hopefully regulations one day will change that where people, we’re all for freedom of speech, express yourself. But then put your name there for people to come and talk back at you and defend their own opinions towards you as well.

I think that’s really important that there’s a conversation and not just a one way, like an excel, like almost just like a [00:21:00] venting of one’s own frustrations towards the world. And people then react to it emotionally, really destructively, but they have no outlets of getting back at you in a constructive way where they say, why did you say that?

Or did you realize that, that is actually not nice because da da da. There’s just no accountability anymore. And I think COVID-19 has expressed as it posts that as well, big time. And so I advocate for regulations online and I know that Monica Lewinsky, a dear friend of mine, is also very strong in that space because while she has been the first victim of cyber bullying.

Kelly: Definitely, I was going to say she must’ve had it.

Tessy: Yeah. And she’s still suffering today because of that. I think to protect our children, every other mom and dad listening to this, we need to collectively, as parents as well with our own skills and our own network and power, [00:22:00] push for more regulations for that. Because otherwise we’re not going to go into the right direction. And not using this, the outcome of this pandemic in the right way to actually create something constructive and sustainable, that actually benefits the society as a whole.

Kelly: And, the interesting thing I find out find about people that are expressing themselves this way publicly on the internet is that most often that comes from a place of a mental health issue as well, because that comes from a place of anger. It comes from a place of frustration or whatever other things that might be happening in your life.

And no one wants anyone else to suffer. We all agree with that, but we also don’t want to project that onto other people and create additional suffering. I think that’s part of the reason, like you said, when you started your Zoom o’clocks, it’s part of the reason I started this podcast was because I was just seeing all around me, people that were sad going about their days and I just couldn’t understand that [00:23:00] because yeah, I mean, yes, of course there’s hard work.

And don’t get me wrong, there might have been windows or doors that were opened because of where I came from, but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t take those opportunities and do the things that had to be done to create something from that. But I felt like if we could spread some spread, some more kindness and have people see that there are wonderful, like you said, collaborations, partnerships, all of this wonderful chat happening virtually that doesn’t have to be negative.

I thought, if we could only move that needle just the littlest bit.

Tessy: Yeah. It makes such a difference. If every person on this planet just tries every day for 15 minutes, just to be nice. Have nice thoughts, say nice things, be constructive. Just every day for 15 minutes and people say, oh yeah, I do that or that’s easy. But actually, the day goes quick. And it’s just to do one good deed a day, which is not in any [00:24:00] interest beneficial to yourself, but really just benefit someone else. I think that would make a really big difference, you know? I tried with my boys and it’s really, just to be consciously there for others and not just saying that you are, but just be there.

I think it would make such a difference for the people around you and that trickle down effect. We see so many YouTube videos and Instagram reels and all of that, where people show the trickle down, the chain reaction, of one nice thing to do for these people to do other good things. I think that could be definitely, that should be the silent pandemic that I would like to see.

Kelly: I completely agree. And I think about all of these initiatives and all of this policy work that you’re focused on. And imagine if people were to be that way towards one another, how different it would be to get in a room with policy makers and help them, guide them towards something that was more [00:25:00] fruitful as opposed to.

And I just wonder all of this work that you’re doing with women’s empowerment as well, how different it would be if, when we were raised from young people, women and men, that men weren’t told to hide their feelings, that women were okay to express themselves, that all of the reverse things that we’ve been taught were just perfectly fine.

And it was just the kindness.

Tessy: Exactly. I think it’s just a part of how we talk to one another. And as my partner actually said, a few days ago, he looked at me and he said, being kind and being nice is a muscle. You just need to train it. It might seem a bit silly at the beginning, but it’s just something you need to train your brain until it becomes automated.

 Because it’s not one thing, sadly, we are using of all the time right now. And it’s just, even myself sometimes when I read some [00:26:00] comments or when people get really mean, I get angry too inside me. And it takes me as well, at least a meditation to just understand, okay these are not my problems, these are not my words.

These are very frustrated people who feel probably lonely, have a mental disorder, bitter, angry, jealous, whatever it is. And I just need to take away that energy that they are trying to put on me and just let it, let them have that back. It’s theirs to keep and not mine. And it’s a continuous exercise to not fall into that group because it’s easy, isn’t it? It’s so easy to talk bad about someone, but it’s harder to talk nicely about someone else and keep it up, and it is really like a muscle you need to train, like you train a muscle for meditation and calmness, right?

Kelly: And some days, you do meditation and for whatever reason, you just feel like you [00:27:00] can’t get into that moment of Zen.

I do meditation every day as well. And there are just times when it is a practice, right? So there are days that it’s just easier than others. And I feel like that’s the same way with kindness. There are times, I completely agree, I had a falling out with someone earlier in the year and at first felt the bitterness, right. Felt the anger. And then I realized, I was like, actually, it’s just me being upset at their reaction. Not actually what happened. I will be sad for that. But if this is like the better case scenario for that person, then I sort of, but there are moments where it just like strikes up in me at me that all of a sudden this like anger that I initially felt.

And I’m like, no, that’s just that one moment. This person is not a bad person. You have to like talk it to yourself because it’s so easy. I think our brains, right. Aren’t they naturally [00:28:00] set to keep ourselves safe? And that’s just like, it’s the natural reaction?

Tessy: The hunt, the gathering brain. The negativity and the fear, that’s what kept us going. Right. That’s what kept us surviving. Kind of like, do you hear that Disney? The cruise?

I think, maybe now, also because of COVID-19 we have that kind of like the revolution of communication, but proper communication, because I think also COVID-19 has also triggered a problem with trust between states and leaders. And I think that’s why it’s really the power of the people to trust in one another and be there for one another and just be kind and yeah, just have that sense of community, my neighbor. The weakest link of society reflects your society.

I think we have a [00:29:00] real opportunity there as the people to make a difference and push our leaders or representatives to do what is best for the community and not just what is best for their pockets and for themselves.

Kelly: I completely agree with you and I’m curious how this relates to a lot of the work that you do in policy, because I’m sure this is something that over the years, you’ve just spent so much time with these groups in various countries, working with them.

Is there something that you’re seeing different from like pre COVID versus after COVID? Or is this fear causing difficulty in negotiations?

Tessy: I think the fear, I think it definitely has created some fragmentation. We see it as well just the fact on which country you can travel, when you can need to self isolate, 10 days here, five days here, 14 days here, here you don’t need to isolate at all if you have a business exception.

But it’s just all of these fragmentations, [00:30:00] no one shares the same opinion. The European Union is fragmented. It is no one thinking about the same thing. And it’s true. We have some countries who have more infections that others and they are benchmarking it on that.

But then with that as well, Luxembourg has been put on a red list in so many countries because we test more. We test around 6,000 to 19,000 people a day. And it’s just as a small country that we are, compared to neighboring countries then we test like a thousand to 4,000 people a day and they have millions of people.

We have only 700,000 habitant in Luxumbourg. And yeah, there’s some real bad communication and there’s also some stinging. Just short term politics talk for their own interests again. And so, yeah, I have seen definitely that there have been some fragmentations, but I have also seen where there have been some countries coming together where they were just saying, okay, [00:31:00] this is really a pandemic global pandemic.

 It doesn’t discriminate by border, doesn’t discriminate by color, it doesn’t discriminate the size of your wallet, and it’s really about a benefit. It should, vaccination for example, should benefit everyone. Yes, there’s a race towards the vaccine, who gets it first.

Which is also a joke. I think it should be working all together. But I hope that, there’s some discussions between different leaders, certainly at the European Union, people try to talk to each other and the leaders, they do meet one another to talk about that issue. And that’s good.

So let’s hope the outcomes come out. I’m obviously not there, so I cannot speak right for them, I know what I see in the news, which obviously everyone listening to this knows the same. So I don’t do predictions because I don’t know, but I do hope as a citizen of this world and also for my children and my friends and my family, that the things that they discuss on the interests of everyone [00:32:00] and that no one is being left behind.

Because also one of my fears is vaccines have been trialed and have been done in the UK and the US and so on, but if you look they say that as well, some Corona strands vary depending on the DNA structure. So the culture, right? So in Africa, for example, the DNA, it is the same, they call it the HIV aids, the next HIV aids, right?

Because that one as well, the empty retro medicine depends on which region the HIV aids is. Right. And I think COVID-19 as well, has a few different strengths as far as I understand. And I hope that the vaccine includes everyone. Also people from less developed countries, the developing countries, from Africa and from rural India, and from some states in Thailand and South [00:33:00] America. I know that South America has been in trials in some extent, but also some more developing countries.

I would love to see that too, because again, the vaccine should be there for everyone. And if we don’t do that, then it’s just going to come back. Because people travel, no matter where you’re from. Other countries. So, yeah. I hope that all leaders make the right decisions. I know it’s a really hard time to make decisions and really hard time to be a prime minister or a minister of health, and I really commend them already on their work because they obviously there for a reason, they have the skill and talent. Do they please everyone? Of course not.

You cannot please everyone. But it’s a hard time and I hope that they collaborately can take decisions and put the egos and defenses to night and work towards what really unites us, which is humanity.

Kelly: It’s so true. I can’t recall [00:34:00] where I read this and I wonder if it was when I was reading through some of your history. But it may not be so correct me if I’m wrong, but there was something to the effect that I’ve read recently that had to do with keeping women, especially in underdeveloped countries, healthy. Because they really take care of the family.

And I wondered as you were just describing some of the things and making sure that this vaccine is for all, which I completely appreciate, do you think there has to be also maybe a special consideration for making sure that women who are taking care of these families are also well taken care of? Because I have not traveled as extensively as you have, so I wouldn’t have firsthand knowledge besides what I’ve seen and read on how some of these, but I can only imagine that in some cases, maybe women might not be first thought of.

Tessy: For sure. No and we have seen that, now with the COVID-19 as an example, right? A lot of money that has been allocated to women, sexual health [00:35:00] and all kinds of other things, in developing countries as an example, has been allocated now to COVID-19 responses. Meaning that women cannot access the other sexual health and birth control and all kinds of other treatments and medication.

Not forgetting that COVID-19 has made that unpaid care work is one of the main works we need to do because even cleaning your house is part of keeping COVID-19 out of your house. Because I read today, I think it was the Telegraph, where it says that the COVID-19 bacteria remains on surfaces up to 36 hours. If you want to tackle COVID-19 other than just wearing the mask and wash your hands, you also need to sanitize your house, make sure everything is cleaned regularly.

And that drop is mostly given to women. Isn’t it? With the HIV aids pandemic, then going as an [00:36:00] example for that as well with the COVID-19 pandemic as well, people are not able to go to the hospitals to get tested. The same for cancer, right? In the UK alone, I think what was it, since the beginning of the year, we have 250,000 less, and the number you need to look it up but it is a crazy number, of newly diagnosed cancer patients. And not because there is less cancer, but because people don’t go into the hospitals and the doctors they don’t take new patients.

They want to keep them out of the hospital’s right. And people are afraid to go to the hospitals. And I think that’s the same for HIV aids as well. People are not going to get tested. It’s really difficult also, for example, for birth control as a personal thing as well. I needed to get a new birth control and the doctor said, oh yeah, we don’t have time now come back in a few months.

What do you mean? I [00:37:00] said, I cannot put my life on hold just because you don’t want to see anyone. I have my needs too. I know a friend of mine who didn’t go to the hospital with pain she had in her breasts. And she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but she had that since February and she didn’t go to hospital until now.

Kelly: That happened to a friend of mine as well.

I remember having these conversations that I’m sure you did with your friend. She was having this pain. And we went through like, well, I’m not going to go to the emergency room, the doctor’s not going to see me. We have something, it’s like not the emergency room, but it’s like a merger care kind of in between doctor’s office and emergency room.

And so she had decided on that, but they didn’t offer those kinds of. It was like months of trying to figure out where to go, and then finally that was the diagnosis.

Tessy: It’s so sad. Really for cancer, every day makes such a difference, and I think that is a huge problem. [00:38:00] Huge.

And yeah, going back to HIV aids in developing countries as an example, the infrastructure is being scrolled down. They can’t access medication, which if you don’t take antiretral medicine, the body gets immune against it. So once you take it properly, the body doesn’t react to it.

And it’s like void. And I think a lot of people don’t know that. That proper prescription and medication taking is key in order to keep pandemics like that in check. And UNA certainly is talking about that all the time. Yeah I think there’s a lot of things in the background that need to be adjusted now, we’re talking second serious lockdown in the UK.

We have had, what is it? 14 and a half thousand newly infections that day over the last weeks. It’s crazy. Right. But then again, we’re talking about lockdown, right? They want to put it in phase one, two and three now. But what [00:39:00] happened to the other things that are needed, right? Getting birth control, getting screened for cancer, getting your medication, whatever that might be. Getting tested for HIV aids. Even just getting tested for all other things, get your vaccinations up to date.

Kelly: That should be part of this consideration of lockdown is just to make sure people know what to do. Cause that’s what I feel like, I don’t live in the UK, so I don’t know the messages that they’re receiving besides what my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law described to me, who they do the outside of London.

But here, I know that the fear that is being produced by what messages are being sent out to everyday people is causing that same effect, where they’re not going. And then they don’t know what to do. So they’re too scared. They’re too afraid to ask. And then they’re just not doing anything.

But I feel like if there was basic information around what to do when this is the scenario, that would be so helpful. Beyond the whole lockdown, I get that we need the [00:40:00] structure for that. And we want to keep people safe. I get that. But just so that they have some understanding, of course.

Tessy: Yes. But that they put things in place as well for the everyday life to continue.

I’m just afraid that we’re getting out of this pandemic, having so many other pandemics in the background. And it’s just not fair because everyone lives their life and has their own needs. And I think within that as well, maybe briefly we can get into the discussion of what should an insurance do, right?

The health insurance. And I know America is not the topic for that, but for Europe then as an example, right? I think you should have only health insurance that they pay you as long as you’re healthy. When you get sick, you should stop paying because then they haven’t done their job, meaning that they should send out, there’s some Scandinavian countries who do that. They send out, okay, six months, you got a lot at home. You need to come for your screening. Right. If you don’t, then [00:41:00] you get fined. Your screening here, your teeth, your blood tests that you do, blood work once a year. And all of these things, it’s an initial investment.

That’s true. Within that space, you’re less likely, the prevention is so much greater and being faced with just maintenance, once you are ill. And I think maybe pandemic such as this, will kind of change the insurance landscape because we all were in these Apple watches, right.

A lot of people do, who takes the heart rate, variability and all of these things. So if you would link that to your insurance you can, you need to prove I do sports every day. I meditate every day, you know? And then your policy goes down, right. Kind of like we do personalize medicine more and more. Why don’t we do personalized medical insurance? [00:42:00]

Kelly: I totally agree with you. So my husband’s in insurance here in the US well, actually I think his organization might be based in the UK, but he we’ve had this conversation for the last couple of years about this like reform that’s needed.

And I completely agree, and this may have a little bit to do with the integrative medical degree you’re going after right now as well, because that’s what I’m learning. I’m reading the book right now by Dr. Sarah Wallenstein, I think is her name.

And she was sort of like the initial person who described like the autoimmune protocol diet. And so that’s what I discovered is that I knew I had a thyroid problem that’d been going on for a long time, but they’ve discovered through a functional medical doctor and of course, a bunch of tests that were not covered by regular insurance that I have a number of other auto immune deficiencies.

And what I’ve learned was that the way that I’m eating like a typical, especially American diet, is just very [00:43:00] unhealthy. And what I’m reading about right now is just sort of how to adjust and how that makes a huge difference. But of course, like this is a personal prescription for my body. I learned that I’m allergic to coconut and avocado and like some really things that are considered healthy, right.

That I would have continued to consume had I not known, but of course my husband may have different food intolerances that I have. So what he could do for his own body to maintain health might look differently, but of course we never have this discussion. It’s always about the band-aid. Oh, you have a thyroid problem.

Let me just give you Synthroid and let’s call it a day.

Tessy: That’s the same with mental health. Isn’t it? Because I do as well. I talk about it very openly, about mental health and people always think, when I started talking about it, actually to start, go back a little bit.

Yeah. A few years ago I had a burnout and I openly said I had a burnout. And the press of course was like, oh my God, she is [00:44:00] depressed. And all of that rubbish, right. Clickbait at its finest. And actually, what I have been always saying is that, people always like, wow, you go to the gym three times a week?

That’s amazing. Well, you’re such a bull, right? You’re so strong. You’re so skinny. You’re so amazing. Right. But if you say, oh, I see a psychologist, people are like what was wrong with you? Are you sick? Is there anything you want to talk about? I’m here if you need to talk. No, I don’t need anyone. It’s like a muscle.

The same as your body, so is your brain. You need to train that muscle and also decompress the muscle. I see a psychologist once a week.

Kelly: I do too. By the way, I’ve changed the stigma. So my husband used to say the same thing to me, like, oh, great. And now I call her my life coach. It’s like a very positive thing in our family.

I’m like, I’m going to my life coach. Because that’s how I look at her. I’m like every week, if I didn’t do that, it’s just [00:45:00] what I need to be able to express things that are going on in my head and kind of create these strategies. You can journal all you want, you can talk to your friends, all you want, but it’s like that third party. I totally agree with you. I love it.

Tessy: And people always think like, oh my God, I don’t want to be categorized like that. They’re afraid. Again, a lot of people think of you. For me, it keeps me really focused because it also shows me, okay, maybe I should like they, as you said, a psychologist is like a life coach because they tell you, oh, have you thought about this?

How does that make you feel? Because your emotions are part of the way you work. And it doesn’t cost much. Like my psychologist, you get all of these apps online where you can have video calls that cost you like 45 pounds a week. That is like three coffees.

Kelly: Exactly.

Tessy: Yes. I know some people cannot afford that as well.

It is a luxury to do [00:46:00] that, but I know as well that the case certainly, and in Luxembourg, there’s also services where you can go and get it for free.

Kelly: There are a lot of those in the US as well. And so I’m going to mention that, like, I think all over the world, I think you just need to go and find it.

I know like you and I can sit here and say like, I’m making this investment in my physical, emotional, mental health. That’s the way that I look at fitness, eating healthy, going to my therapist once a week slash life coach. But even if I didn’t have the resources to do that, I would actually not stop that whatsoever.

I would just figure out how to make it happen. There’s so much out there. If you just look for it.

Tessy: Yes. And I think also it’s really an investment for yourself because if your brain, like, when I had a burnout, right. I did therapy, which is kind of like a magnetic call they put on your brain.

Kelly: I’ve had something with like they did it in my hands.

Tessy: Yeah. It’s really interesting. But what I’ve learned is what a [00:47:00] crooks system the mental health system already is. There’s a lot of people who want to take a lot of money from you. And I think it should be available for everyone as a normal thing as going to the dentist every six months, that should be included in your, in your insurance plan.

Kelly: Potentially childcare. I’ll just throw that out there.

Tessy: But at the same time, I remember my doctor telling me, because I was still working hard, like every day, the kids, the household, everything, while I had the burnout at the beginning of my divorce. And the doctor one day he came to me and he said Tessy, let me ask you, when you break your leg, what do you do? I said you don’t walk.

He’s like, okay. When you have a problem with your lungs, what can’t you do? Sports. Okay. He says, when your brain is broken, what do you do? He says, you stay at home and stop thinking and just relax. He said, I cannot believe you’re still doing all this. And that is, I think also [00:48:00] stigma, that we just think, and that goes with the resilience, what I learned from myself.

 And I know some people listening to this know exactly what I’m talking about, that you just can’t be vulnerable and you can’t be seen as having struggled with anxiety or depression or whatever it is. And they’d rather take Lexapran, Xanax, and Prozac and all of these other things to cover it up, then really going to the base and actually working on it.

And it’s hard to work on it again and it took years to balance my whole body because I was really broken because of sadness and so on. Right. But it’s just that people really take that time. And yeah, it is an investment, but going back to it, there’s so many things who are there for free.

Just inform yourself because it’s kind of like putting fuel into your car. You don’t put fuel in, the car will not run. That’s the same for your body, what you put in, you get out.

Kelly: It’s so funny [00:49:00] you say that because one of my favorite quotes is like, what kind of gasoline would you put in a Ferrari? Well, of course you would put in the best. Right? So, and that’s how we have to think about our body.

Tessy: Like you put the wrong one in the Ferrari and it breaks down within a minute.

And also it is more expensive to fix a ferrari when it is broken, right.

Kelly: Once it’s broken. Yes, exactly.

Tessy: Yeah, it just takes forever to get back, because I see so many friends who are struggling, who have the signs that I had at the beginning, where I was like, I’m just tired.

I need to rest. It’s going to go away. I think just pushed it away until it really became very bad. And I see them and I tell them, listen, I know exactly what you’re going through. You need to pull the brakes and take care of yourself right now, because otherwise, once you’re broken, you’re really broken.

And some of them listen, others don’t and I see them fall down and then really [00:50:00] understand what has happened. And then they’re like, oh, if I would have known. So.

Kelly: You’re sharing the awareness around this and I’ll add to, for our audience that like you are not alone. Something very similar happened to me.

It was after I had my third child and I just kept trying to go and go and go when my body was completely depleted, over a really difficult high-risk pregnancy, and working and traveling 90% of the time, three weeks after the baby was born. Like just thinking that that was completely normal and fine. I would travel.

I was on IV medication and people still remind me of this. I traveled to California for a 10 day period. They had to ship my IV medication. I mean like what in my right mind was I thinking that was going to be the right thing to do? But it’s no wonder that nine months later, I completely broke down, the worst postpartum depression.

Like everything in life just became so hard. And it took me years to work back up to maybe with even within the last two years [00:51:00] that I felt a little bit of myself back.

Tessy: Yeah, it takes forever. And your body gives you signs over and over and over again. There’s no secrets. And that’s why meditation is important as well.

I think also if you share this video, do share as well good practices of meditation, which are free. There are great channels on YouTube for example, where you can do 10 minutes meditation. I do 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes at lunchtime and 10 minutes in the evening before I go to sleep. And yes, sometimes it’s a pain in the neck and I really don’t want to do it.

And I make my partner do it, so I force him. But it just really helps keep yourself focused and your body regulated because you kind of connect with yourself. You kind of have a call with yourself where your body tells you, okay, I’m a bit achy here today. I’m a bit tired here. Maybe a bit more suiting is needed today.

 It’s so important.

Kelly: It’s so important. The [00:52:00] one that I use, which is a completely free app is called Smiling Mind. And it’s like one of the Virgin companies. But the reason that I use this, beyond that it’s free, it has so many different meditations and they’re geared towards, there’s like an adult section, but then there’s also like a classroom section.

There’s a kid section. So I do this with my kids religiously, actually my son, he cannot go to sleep without it. And so we listened to it at bedtime as well, but there are ones that are like sometimes meditation for kids, this is the interesting thing is like, sometimes it’s the quiet, but other times it’s the active.

So some of the kid one’s are like more upbeat music, soft spoken, but it asks kids to move their body, which I just find to be really nice. So anyway, that’s a free one and I’ll make sure I share that when I share this video.

Tessy: Yeah. That one as well. It’s so important. Also, if you find them some links to free psychological health, [00:53:00] if you ask them.

Yeah, absolutely. We looked them up for the UK and can send them to you, or you probably have them from your mom as well.

I can definitely ask.

Tessy: It just shows people that there’s no more excuses, that it’s just there. And like also something I do every morning, which has helped me tremendously, the first thing I do in the morning and it costs nothing, besides if you go and get it outside, is one kilograms of carrot, a piece of ginger and two phenols. And then doing the morning. And it has helped me so much that not only my skin has cleared.

Kelly: We are like, I swear, this is so funny because we were like following this though, I do celery, carrots, because I’m apparently I’m allergic to beets.

So I used to do beats, but I do celery, carrot and cucumber, and I use my Vitamix and I know my husband’s like that looks like grass. Sometimes I’ll put kale in it. I don’t actually juice it out. I just drink it just like that, but it [00:54:00] does wonders for your skin.

Tessy: But no, it’s amazing. And also, it will cost you probably in the US what, two, $2.50 for all of that.

Kelly: It’s so easy.

Tessy: Right? In the UK, 70P for a kilogram of carrots.

Kelly: The other thing that I do that people don’t probably wouldn’t do because I make it into a smoothie all by the carrots with all the green stuff. I literally just wash it really well, cut all that up because I would never eat it and just throw it in.

Tessy: Exactly. I think it’s important also for the regulation of your stomach, because regulation of the stomach, the stomach is your brain of your body. Yes. If you feel like your stomach hurts, it’s hard or you have diarrhea or cramps or whatever it is, anxiety comes from the stomach as well.

Often that your bacterial in the stomach is not very happy. So probiotics as well, specifically when you take antibiotics, which a lot of people don’t know as well. Probiotics is so important when your taking antibiotics because [00:55:00] you kill everything inside your stomach lining, and that includes the good bacteria.

And I think with juices like that, you just create that balance towards your own body. And it just keeps you really, really healthy. So definitely that as well. And I can share some of my mixes if you want, I can do yours. So really this podcast becomes like the wellbeing podcast.

Kelly: I know. Right. What is funny about this is that when I talk about skills, the first thing that I think of like the foundation for my life skills is those micro habits every day that keeps me level, because for people like you and I, and again, what we just described happening in our lives.

Like our burnout. This is like, everyone has this happen at some point, unless you read the signs. And in all honesty, like if you’ve experienced that, the stuff that we do every day to be able to stay what I would call for myself, even, that is [00:56:00] really important because if I miss my three workouts a week, then you better believe it on the weekends.

I’m going to be tired and cranky and watching Netflix and eating stuff that I shouldn’t eat, that’s going to just make me feel worse for the next few days. So I have to keep those pieces of my life every day. So that I don’t fall back into like what I would refer to as bad habits, but people might not say their skills.

I truly believe those are the most important life skills because your brain and your emotions and what you focus on, because your view of life, if you don’t have that strong is really terrible. And anything else that you do is so much.

Tessy: But the thing is also what is important to say is that every new habit takes 21 days become a habit. So if you’re listening and you want to do that, don’t just do it for seven days and then say, I did it didn’t work. It needs to be at least 21 days for you to really feel a difference. That’s also important because because I have people who said I did it for five days, it didn’t work. [00:57:00] Well, of course it didn’t work.

Kelly: And I also would say, don’t do it all at once because this is the one thing that when I first started this, I was like, well, I’m changing everything. I’m changing my whole life around. And it was like, I’m going to do the right workout, like all of it. And then of course you just like, can’t change all of your habits in that period of time.

And of course for me, I had young children. So that was like the added layer of difficulty. So this is what I do, and I don’t know if you’ve done this Tessy. I focus on one change of habit at a time. I do 30 days just because I like to give myself a little extra griefs, but like 30 days. I’m not going to eat gluten or dairy. And I don’t eat it a lot, but I’m really making a huge effort to make sure it’s not cooked into any of my food as well.

And I’m on day two

Tessy: Mine right now is the meditation three times a day, 10 minutes.

I’m on day 6. It’s [00:58:00] hard. It’s hard. It’s so hard. But my partner is like, can we do another one or I don’t want to do that. It’s just, no, you just need to say no, I’m going to do that. I’m going to do that and just stick to it. So yeah, that is mine at the moment.

So I’m at day 6 and yes. Do not do everything at once, because then you just over stressing your body and you set yourself up for failure. Again, you do one thing at a time. And once that is established, you will do it naturally because you’ve seen the benefit. Then you’re ready to add something else to change something, because actually you’re not adding it. You’re just changing something for the better.

Kelly: Yeah, no, I completely agree. Although I want to leave on this like super high note, we’re coming to the end of our time and I want to give you one last moment to maybe leave with us some parting words and that’s completely open-ended whatever you feel like you would like to share.

Tessy: Well, I’m in Switzerland [00:59:00] right now. That is the birthplace as well as the residence where Carl Yewn died just down the road here, where I live at the moment. And he says something which applies to a lot of things. One of my favorite quotes of him is, when two people meet chemical reaction happens and both are transformed forever. Whatever that means, but something happens.

And I think that way don’t be afraid to be kind to others. Even if you don’t get it in return, don’t be afraid to talk to others. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others. Don’t be afraid to vouch, to stand strong for what you believe in, but always be constructive and inclusive. Meaning don’t be aggressive about it or negative because with negativity, you never change anything.

So yeah, don’t be afraid of that chemical reaction that waits for you around each corner every day.

Kelly: I absolutely love that. Fabulous [01:00:00] parting words. Now I know we didn’t get to a lot of the things you’re involved in, so some people may be interested in keeping in touch with Tessy. So you can follow Tessy Antony De Nassau on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or on her website, tessydenassau.com.

And I will make sure to share that when I share this video and podcast on social media as well, but I want to thank everybody for listening into Let’s Talk About Skills, Baby.

If you like this podcast, I would really appreciate some feedback, a review, a rating, all of that great stuff. It’s available on Spotify. ITunes and YouTube. And you can find me Kelly Ryan Bailey on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter as well. Hope you all have a wonderful day. Bye bye.